i felt like i should write…

I revisited my journal this week, if you can call it a journal. Honestly I hate writing things in my phone, I enjoy the feel of pages but for some reason the convenience of it all has sucked me in, and I need to get back to a pen and paper, I plan to pick up a cool journal this weekend sometime.

I digress…

I revisited my journal this week and there are some true gems in there, it shows me at my lowest points, and my greatest victories, and the struggle to remain the same through it all. To remain resilient. Most of the entries were written while taking a break from social media, a break from the cloudiness that I allow people bring into my life. What am I really missing by removing social media from my everyday routine? The answer, nothing at all. I don’t know man, as the title suggests…”i felt like writing”

My uncle died this past weekend, my uncle on my fathers side. I don’t really have a “father figure” though. Just a father, so I never met my uncle. The only thing I feel is teal…if I had to pick a color for a feeling that is what it would be. Not quite blue, merely a shade of blue. My sense of family is fabricated. I learned family from friends. Not to discredit my friends being that foundation, I’m just saying…it wasn’t something I was plopped into. No, I’m not an orphan. Yes I’ve got a mother, and grandmother whom I love dearly.Yes they gave me the best sense of family they could but it never truly felt whole. I think that his absence in my life made it important for me not to put my own child through that feeling, I think I had to learn a few things on my own that would have been easier with a “dad” but in the long run…I’m better for it, and that’s okay. I’m not a victim or anything, as the title states “I felt like I should write” plus he’s my Facebook friend, can we sarcastically say “light at the end of the tunnel”?

I don’t mean to offend anyone ever, but as a writer…I can never truly help it. If you’re apart of my past/present/future, and have made an impact on my life, be it great or not so great, I’m probably going to write about the experience. It is what I do. Something I don’t do on a public forum often, but if you don’t let it out you’ll never…let it out.

…I have more to say, but I’m pretty exhausted from sharing. Maybe next year sometime.

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