This weekend was a huge learning experience for me. No I didn’t go to some awesome retreat or sit in the forest among the trees until I heard a divine word from a higher power. This experience came to me while in a busy Marriott hotel during a business trip.
A lot of us are taught that putting yourself first is selfish, inconsiderate, and rude. I honestly have never had a problem putting Keisha first, I am well aware of the importance of doing so but it seems that I lost sight for a few months. I cannot be my best self for anyone if I don’t take care of me. There is no space at the number one spot for me to share. I like to keep to myself, read, pray, meditate, shop online, whatever it is that I like to do alone, and sometimes people mistake that for not being kind, when in reality this is something that I need.
Due to me not wanting to be viewed as unkind I started to change my natural behavior, what keeps me sane, and in the process I started to unravel. I opened myself up to be a dumping ground and in turn produced waste. I became unhappy, drained, uninspired and messy and that is not me AT ALL. I’ve built this arsenal, one that I thought was impenetrable, I don’t get into peoples personal business, I only like my drama coming from TV, I don’t whisper or gossip or talk bad about people and in all honesty I’m done with that
shit stuff. I keep to myself and if that is looked at as being mean, or stand offish, or introverted then so be it. That is my reality, that is my safe place, I cannot compromise that for anyone and I’m not going to any longer.