Tea Talk

Tea Talk: Why You’re Losing Friends

Simply put: You are losing friends because you refuse to grow. Time is passing, people are changing, yet you still seem to remain stagnant. In a perfect world your friends will grow with you, you will motivate each other to do better and you will go from middle school buddies, to skipping class in high school together, to clubbing partners, to full grown adult women that ain’t got time for all that playing in my face (shout out to Gettin’ Growns” Keia). You do good things together, you do bad things together, you do things that you’ve decided never to talk about again. You GROW UP together.

I get frustrated with two types of old friends:

1.) The fake hurt texter

“You don’t fool with me anymore”. When phones work two ways, and sometimes three if you want to get fancy. Just because we don’t speak everyday does not mean that I don’t fool with you. It means no effort is made on either end to make contact, so don’t play the victim about the situation. If anything I’m Freddy and you’re Jason. Come through with some plans (preferably kid friendly). “Hey pal, I’m heading to _____ miss ya, wondering if you’re able to meet me there, maybe do some catching up” THESE are the kinds of texts that move me. Try this avenue once or twice I’m sure the response you get will be positive.

2.) The Memory Lane Walker

Do not, in any way, get this twisted. I LOVE memories, I LOVE to laugh, I LOVE to reflect on my past so that I can recognize my glow up. I DO NOT love the friend that I haven’t seen in forever, I’m talking about hasn’t seen me in my entire adult life coming at me like “oh I know the old Keisha” what does that mean? To me it means you don’t KNOW me at all because I’m a completely different person than I was when we were “cool”. You did not evolve with me and that is unfortunate but what you will NOT do is act like I’m putting on some sort of facade like deep down inside I’m still 23…boy (yes boy) bye. A better way to handle this is to laugh about the past a little bit, thank God we aren’t there anymore and catch up on the present. If there is a genuine care about that person than the conversation should flow pretty easily, but due to the fact that a lot of people are just messy boots they’ll never get to this step.

If you know me you know I do not lose friends, I might misplace them but the real ones are never lost. If at any point I called you friend you still have that status, with maybe a select few that have been placed in the acquaintance category (still a good place).  When you reach out to your old friends, be sure to acknowledge life…that’s really it. Life. Some of us are married, with kids, single, without kids, working crazy schedules, building our brands, the list is infinite. Respect that people are growing. Just because we aren’t growing in the same circle doesn’t mean there isn’t a genuine foundation of love there.

15 thoughts on “Tea Talk: Why You’re Losing Friends

  1. All SO true! Friendship and communication is a two-way street. This could be a 1B lol. I get that people get busy and sometimes life gets in the way at times however I can’t be the only one trying to keep in touch and make the first steps every single time. People make them for what they want and who they want. It takes two seconds to send a message to check in on a “friend.” I can assure you are no more busy than the rest of us. I’ve stopped reaching out to people like that and needless to say, still haven’t heard from them *shrugs*


  2. Life gets busy and it’s hard to keep in touch with those you really actually do want to keep in touch with, it’s a shame that people can even play the victim in situations like these. Such a true post, thanks for sharing! ♥


  3. Communication is definetly a two way street and I’ve learned over the years that a small handful of true friends means more than anything else…


  4. Ever since I had kids I became a terrible friend. I’ve lost a few friends because I’m simply too busy and can’t get away. Most times I’m just too tired and lazy after a long week of work and family. I just wanna sleep and watch netflix! Good Read!


    1. Totally agree! I’m a mom and a wife and like you said, by the time I get home and settled in the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone or hit a happy hour. I just want to relax! Thanks for reading


  5. While I guess the first paragraph isn’t meant to be taken 100% serious, I really disagree with it. I don’t think many people lose friends because they don’t grow. I think we’re all growing but sometimes in different directions as life circumstances change. Still, it was quite thought-provoking as it made me write down my own thoughts on the topic. So, thanks for sharing!


      1. Wow, that was the fastest response I’ve ever seen. You truly started my own thoughts popping in. I’m not sure why I lost friends in the past. Maybe I’m in a process of figuring out how I lose and keep friends.


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