Simply put: You are losing friends because you refuse to grow. Time is passing, people are changing, yet you still seem to remain stagnant. In a perfect world your friends will grow with you, you will motivate each other to do better and you will go from middle school buddies, to skipping class in high school together, to clubbing partners, to full grown adult women that ain’t got time for all that playing in my face (shout out to Gettin’ Growns” Keia). You do good things together, you do bad things together, you do things that you’ve decided never to talk about again. You GROW UP together.
I get frustrated with two types of old friends:
1.) The fake hurt texter
“You don’t fool with me anymore”. When phones work two ways, and sometimes three if you want to get fancy. Just because we don’t speak everyday does not mean that I don’t fool with you. It means no effort is made on either end to make contact, so don’t play the victim about the situation. If anything I’m Freddy and you’re Jason. Come through with some plans (preferably kid friendly). “Hey pal, I’m heading to _____ miss ya, wondering if you’re able to meet me there, maybe do some catching up” THESE are the kinds of texts that move me. Try this avenue once or twice I’m sure the response you get will be positive.
2.) The Memory Lane Walker
Do not, in any way, get this twisted. I LOVE memories, I LOVE to laugh, I LOVE to reflect on my past so that I can recognize my glow up. I DO NOT love the friend that I haven’t seen in forever, I’m talking about hasn’t seen me in my entire adult life coming at me like “oh I know the old Keisha” what does that mean? To me it means you don’t KNOW me at all because I’m a completely different person than I was when we were “cool”. You did not evolve with me and that is unfortunate but what you will NOT do is act like I’m putting on some sort of facade like deep down inside I’m still 23…boy (yes boy) bye. A better way to handle this is to laugh about the past a little bit, thank God we aren’t there anymore and catch up on the present. If there is a genuine care about that person than the conversation should flow pretty easily, but due to the fact that a lot of people are just messy boots they’ll never get to this step.
If you know me you know I do not lose friends, I might misplace them but the real ones are never lost. If at any point I called you friend you still have that status, with maybe a select few that have been placed in the acquaintance category (still a good place). When you reach out to your old friends, be sure to acknowledge life…that’s really it. Life. Some of us are married, with kids, single, without kids, working crazy schedules, building our brands, the list is infinite. Respect that people are growing. Just because we aren’t growing in the same circle doesn’t mean there isn’t a genuine foundation of love there.