I keep myself pretty busy throughout the day and it is a rarity that I actually settle down and deal with my feelings. Which is surprising because I feel..A LOT…all at once. I guess I’ve gotten so used to feeling everything that my ninja skills have kicked in and some things are automatically blocked. This is a win right? Well…no. I’ve conditioned myself not to feel everything and that’s great but it doesn’t really get rid of the feelings. They are still there, and they aren’t even buried deep underneath the surface. All it takes is one scratch and boom! I’m a mess of tears, and anger, and anxiety.
I cried for hours last night, I cried at 1 am this morning and I cried some more at around 9 am, so yep I’ve got the blues. Not to delve too deep into the issue, it really sucks when you have to be strong, sometimes I want to be able to pause the world and go to a room and cry while also being able to step back into the world with some sort of normalcy, but unfortunately this isn’t the way “the blues” works, it stays around even after you acknowledge it. You have to actually work to get rid of it.
So, here’s to putting in some major work to get out from underneath this cloud. It takes more than tears to fix things, and that’s what I need to realize. Action will always outweigh helplessness.